Xehanort Before the Heartless
by freezysyahz
Summary: Ever wonder who Xehanort really was before he submitted himself fully to the darkness? His true hidden past is all revealed here!


CHAPTER ONE: THE WORDS OF COURAGE

He was busy mopping up the floor on the front steps. He had been doing this for over a month. The work may had seemed unsuitable for him in his grandfather's eyes, but he was determined to gain his own income all the same. Now, heavy chores such as this had became easy—he had gotten used to this routine now.

He was about to mop up the last step on the bottom when he heard a cry from a distance that was all too recognizable. Audillia's. What did she want now?

"Xeha! Xeha! He-ey!"

Xehanort stopped his work and sighed. Being the twelve-year-old that he was, some things just had to have styles of its own, and name-calling was one of it. Xena, in his opinion, did not go with his image right.

"Hello, Audillia," Xehanort greeted warmly despite his feigned annoyance. He had to forgive her: Audillia was two years younger than him, and practically a little naive as well. Also, she was the only under-twelve kid in the neighbourhood—her sister, Maestura, was thirteen and had migrated to town to work with a hairdresser, while the other girls in the neighbourhood are twelve, had jobs, and could not hang around with her like they used to. Now, Audillia only had him to turn to, and Xehanort was not sure whether was it an honour or a responsibility he was lumbered with.

"Hi, Xeha!" Audillia replied between gasps as she reached him (once again Xehanort was irritated). "Guess what!"

"What?" Xehanort asked.

"Aw, c'mon, guess!"

Xehanort let out a low sigh. He had to incline to her wish, though.

"Let me guess: you had the job?"

"Awright!" Audillia said as she punched up the air and jumped along. "How'd you know that?"

"Easy," Xehanort scoffed. "You've been going on about it for days."

"Yep, I did get the job! And I'll be leaving tomorrow!" Audillia gushed excitedly.

Xehanort was dumbstruck. "L-Leaving? Tomorrow?"

"Yes!"

"But I thought...I thought that you're going to work as the assistant in the laboratory _here_?" Xehanort asked, perplexed.

"Yeah, that's what I thought in the first place. But the professor had to move to the capital—government's orders. He'll go as early as tomorrow at 5 in the morning, and I'm to come along." Audillia examined Xehanort closely. "'S matter?"

"Uh..did your parents say anything about this?"

"Yep! They told me that they're happy for me, getting a better job than others while I was still ten." Audillia shuffled her feet on the ground. "But I'll be missing here. I'll miss you too."

Xehanort sighed. He rephrased back what he had thought of being stuck with Audillia for a friend earlier—so far, Audillia was the only friend whom he can always talk to. And now she had to leave, just like the others.

But Xehanort also had his suspicions. Why would Professor Mildew pick Audillia as his assistant when there were others older than her? Was Audillia sure that the professor had to move upon orders from the military government? He was a little afraid that the professor had other plans for her—Maestura and a few other girls had gossiped last year that the professor was a pedophile. He sighed again and hoped silently that he was wrong.

"Well, I'm happy for you, then," Xehanort said as he patted Audillia on her back. "Say, would you like to come along to my house for dinner? We'll serve your favourite delicacies tonight."

"Sure!" With that, Audillia waved goodbye and left, leaving Xehanort stranded on the staircase. Xehanort sighed again—his heart felt so heavy these days. With heaved movements, he slowly picked up the mop and resumed his job.

"I'll be lonely tomorrow," he whispered. "I won't have Audillia around anymore." He paused for a moment. "I wish I can go to the capital too."

_Careful with what you wish for._

"Who said that?" Xehanort demanded as he looked around him. Nobody else was seen close within the vicinity.

"I must be starting to lose my mind," he thought dejectedly.

The mysterious voice chuckled. _Hardly. You're lonely, aren't you? That's why I am here, dear boy._

"Well...whoever you are, go away now. I'm fine by myself," Xehanort murmured.

_Really? Because I can help you out. In everything you want. _

"Shut up!" he hissed.

_I can help you realize your dreams and potential, Xehanort. You want to become a State Alchemist, am I correct? You want to escape from this farmyard prison. You want to go and make the most of yourself in the capital. _

"How...How'd you know all that?" Xehanort seemed startled. "How did you know my name?"

_Oh, it's all simple really, Xehanort. You see, I am you._

Xehanort was speechless.

Night had closed itself in, its black cloak hung heavily in the sky. Whitish-yellow streaks of light zig-zagged against the night sky, booming noises emanated with each light's appearance. Xehanort stared up sullenly.

Dinner had passed and Audillia had returned home. Like Xehanort, his grandfather questioned her being selected as Professor Mildew's laboratory assistant and was deeply concerned over her safety. He too had his own misgivings about her going to the capital at such an early age. But in the end, there was nothing that they both can do to change Audillia's determined decision. Her mind had been firmly set. Nevertheless, all three of them enjoyed the scrumptious meals that had been served for dinner. Unfortunately, Audillia had to return home earlier before dessert came.

Xehanort kept on staring at the stormy night sky. If his mother, his grandfather's daughter, was still here, they would usually commenced into a passionated discussion of his future. Xehanort would always say that he wanted to become an alchemist, and his mother would mention that he should work with the government. On his mother's final days, they both agreed that he should be a State Alchemist when he grow up.

He sighed upon thinking of his mother, who died at the age of twenty-eight. She had him at quite a young age, which was at sixteen. All he recalled was that a proper marriage took place not long after his presence had been made known inside her womb. Mysteriously, he had never seen his father all his life. When he was three years old and had developed basic speech skills, he had directly fired away at her of his father's whereabouts. The answer she would gave him then were evasive, but quite fulfilling for him during such tender age. He had not brought up the subject again since then, assuming that his father must have died and it would be painful for her to relish the memories of him.

But a few days after his eighth birthday, an emotional-deteriorating argument had ensued between his mother and his grandfather. He had been playing with a toy car outside the living-room, but upon hearing the loud voices and sharp, snappish tones that emanated from both grown-ups, he huddled close against the wooden door and pressed his ears against it, feeling curious and fearful at the same time.

"I have told you many times, and I'm repeating this again, Lucrexia—that boy is not going anywhere far from this home!" His grandfather had sounded so angry, and that surprised Xehanort.

"And why so?" Lucrexia, his mother, asked back, her tone matched perfectly with that of her father's.

"You know damn well why, Lucrexia! If that boy goes to the capital, well, I have no doubt in mind that he'll find out soon enough about that man. He might go after him and follow him, even, and I'm not having any of that." His grandfather's tone had dropped abruptly, soothing and a bit sad. "I almost lost you to him. I don't want that to happen to Xehanort."

But Lucrexia remained indignant. "So what if he finds out about him? He's his father!"

His grandfather's voice rose again. "Damn it, Lucrexia! I thought you'll forget him after all these years! What kind of a father that would abandon his family...?"

"He was forced, it was upon the military government's orders!" Lucrexia shrieked. "He didn't really mean to walk out on us—"

"That I understand, but no letters? No phone calls? Hell, not even a telegram from him! He hadn't come to see us for eleven years, Lucrexia! Look at Xehanort..." For a moment there, Xehanort thought that his grandfather had seen him eavesdropping outside.

"He's eleven, for heaven's sake! And he never even came to see him once, did he?"

"He was there by my side on the night I gave birth to him..." Lucrexia said. "You saw that. He hugged him, he kissed his forehead, he whispered how much he loved Xehanort into his ears."

"Lucrexia..." His grandfather said sadly. "You still love him, don't you." It was not a question—it appeared more like a statement. At least by then, he understood the swirls of emotions that was tearing his daughter deep inside. Xehanort heard nothing but muffled sobs after that. He opened the door gently and peeked, and saw that his grandfather was hugging his mother, both were crying. Xehanort became gloomy for days after that, and eventually that shaped him into the boy he was today—solemn and serious all the time. He sensed that all above all, he was the main cause of such an upheaval tongue-lashing battle, and was careful in treading on every of his step.

Xehanort sighed. He truly missed his mother. He missed that warm, loving smile that always stayed on her face no matter the situation around her. He missed the tender caress she used to gave him whenever she saw him feeling down and blue. He missed the soft voice of hers when she read him stories at Friday nights. He missed her so much. Her death had been sudden and cruel and untimely, and it had indeed taken its toll on him and on his grandfather—she was a part of their lives, their hearts.

Xehanort stopped to think—was it that her death that had been the reason why he felt so heavy-hearted these days? He sighed—stupid excuse that was. Even though it was correct, what can he do to get rid of the pain in his chest? He might as well deal with it and be a man.

"Xehanort," his grandfather said as he placed his hand on his grandson's shoulder and settled down next to him, interrupting Xehanort of his thoughts and deliberately caught him by surprise. "What are you mooching about on the porch, eh?"

"Nothing," Xehanort murmured.

"Missing her already, eh?" His grandfather chuckled. "Fine girl she was, still have much to learn, but her mind's quick and nimble and she easily catches on with something sooner than expected. I suppose...she's a place in your heart as well?"

Xehanort groaned. "Aw, grandpa, we were just friends. I assumed her as if she was my sister, that's all!"

"Ho ho ho!" his grandfather laughed. "I knew that, m'boy! But you never know when love blossoms—always come out in the unexpected places, at unexpected times and with unexpected people." His grandfather's expression then became solemn. "But when the day comes, that love will engulf you whole, making those who see became blind, and yet providing sight to those who are blind." He poked Xehanort in the nose gently and said, "When that time comes, I'll say this to you, 'Love her greatly'." Xehanort was not sure whether he was expected to answer, but he nodded all the same.

"Listen, Xehanort, there's something I wanted to talk with you about," his grandfather said.

"I'm listening," Xehanort replied, his throat feeling dry all of a sudden.

His grandfather opened his palms and closed them again, thinking of how to put the proper words down. He took in a deep breath and said, "Xehanort, your mother was a brave and calm woman, I have not a single shred of doubt of that. Never afraid to make a move to help others, even though the move would never be benefitting for her. Always put others before her, and that includes you." His grandfather's sky blue eyes looked deep into Xehanort's crimson iris'. "You look a lot like your mother, Xehanort. Except for the eyes and the hair, you are every bit the same like my Lucrexia."

Xehanort's heart leapt upon hearing that—he had not known all that before!

"You see, your mother...for some reason I cannot understand, loves your father a lot. And you do have some resemblance to him that made us immediately think of him everytime we look at you. Your father is a highly-ranked scientist who worked for the military government. And your mother thought that it would be best if you...uh...be in the same career for your future. See what I mean?"

Xehanort nodded.

"She had toiled all this while, working hard in every job that she came across. She collected money, see...she saved them all...for you. The total's nine billion munny, if I'm not mistaken."

Xehanort's jaw dropped. "Wha...All that for me?"

His grandfather nodded. "She said something about you wanting to become a State Alchemist, and thought it best to send you to the capital to go and learn Alchemy in a proper school." His grandfather smiled warmly and genuinely. "She knows all your dreams, m'boy. That's the rare gift of a mother—you'll find it in each and every one."

Xehanort was still shocked. "Are you meaning to say that..."

"You'll be going to the capital, Xehanort," his grandfather filled in for him. "I have it all planned out. We'll be going there, say, how about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?" Xehanort jumped up in delight. "That means we'll get to go with Audillia too!"

"Ah, I suppose it would be alright to share the same berth on the train," his grandfather said with a suppressed grin. "You do like her a lot, I must say!" Xehanort did not bother to answer this, he was all too happy with this sudden change, this decision, the sacrifice his mother had made. "What next?"

"We'll go to Cheltenhams' School of Modern Technology and Alchemic Studies, m'boy, and have you enrolled. Your mother had done that, you see, she set it all up earlier and had mentioned in her will that she wants you to be able to fulfill that dream of yours. So all we're left to do is to confirm your enrollment into the education institution. The opening was not until next week, but I think it won't do any harm if we go to the capital earlier, perhaps there are places you'd like to see and visit?"

"The Organization's Building!" Xehanort exclaimed.

His grandfather was still smiling as he slowly got up. "Now that's been cleared, I'd say it be wise for us to call it a day. She'll be leaving at ten in the morning, and if we're to join her, we'd better make sure we'll wake up and have our breakfast early tomorrow."

"How about packing up?" Xehanort asked.

"Done them all for you, m'boy. Knew that you're tired and exhausted from all that hard work, so I did them all for you. I also packed all the things required from the school, so you need not worry about that." His grandfather patted him on the back. "Let's go in, Xehanort. You should rest up."

"Grandpa," Xehanort asked as he turned to look at his grandfather. "Won't you be lonely if I go?"

His grandfather drew in a sharp breath. After a moment's pause, he chose to sit down next to his grandson again. He hugged Xehanort by his shoulders tight and said, "Absolutely, m'boy. Absolutely." He paused again and as Xehanort turned to look at his face, he saw the tears streaming down the old man's cheeks. "I'll miss you and I'll think of you every day. There will be the time, though, when you just have to let go of somebody you love most."

"Grandpa," Xehanort said slowly as he wiped off the tears from his grandfather's face. "I won't go if you didn't want me to."

"But I do want you to go, m'boy. Your mother does too. You deserve a lot more than living in a backwater place like this. I wouldn't mind you going, Xehanort. I'll be supporting you all the way, m'boy. I would love to see you able to achieve that dream."

His grandfather looked at him with an air of hope and genuine love. "I believe you have what it takes to fulfill your dream, Xehanort. I just know that you can do it. You're the love of our lives, Xehanort—your mother's and mine. Not to mention your father's as well."

Xehanort's head perked up. "Really?"

"Absolutely." His grandfather looked up and noticed the storm-signals. "Well, m'boy, let's get some sleep. We're going to need it." Xehanort nodded and stood up as his grandfather did the same. He patted off dust from the bottom of his trousers, then hand-in-hand, both grandfather and grandson walked into their house.


End file.
